Funny Stuff

The Hotel Bill

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of London’s most expensive hotels.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She explode and demanded to know why the charge was so high. “It’s a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast.”

The clerk told her that £250.00 is the ’standard rate’ so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

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Smoking

Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
“My dad can blow smoke through his nose!” boasted the first.
“Ha, mine can blow smoke through his ears!” countered the second boy.
“That’s nothing,” piped up the third. “My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know, ‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies.”

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Some Humorous One Liners

Some humorous One-liners

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale……. Cheap………..no strings attached .

Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking…I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn’t Need Glasses… He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off .

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Diary of a Young Wife

Diary Of a Young Wife

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.
It’s fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, “beat 12 eggs separately.” Well, I didn’t have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, “serve without dressing.” So I didn’t dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

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Only In India

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