• Home
• Amazing Stuff
• Funny Stuff

Got Grapes

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk,
“Do you have any grapes?”
The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks,
“Do you have any grapes?”
The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks
“Do you have any grapes?”
The clerk screams at the duck,
“You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don’t have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!”
The duck left, and returned the next day.
This time he asked,
“Do you have any nails?”
The clerk replied,
“No,”
And the duck said,
“Good! Got any grapes?”

Who is it?

An Englishman took a business trip to New York. When he arrived, the hotel clerk asked him a riddle.
“My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”
The Englishman thought long and hard, but eventually gave up. “I don’t know, who was it?”
The hotel clerk responded, “It was me!”
The Englishman thought that was hilarious. He couldn’t wait to get home and tell this funny joke to his family and friends in England.
When he arrived home they met him at the airport and he asked them: “My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”
His friends thought and thought about it until they gave up. So, he told them, “It was a hotel clerk I met in New York.”

At The Pub

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets his beer and begins to drink it when he notices that the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.
Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender, the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.
The bartender is mad, and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.
The next day the man is back, and he comes in waiving a $5 dollar bill.
The bartender thinks, “Okay, business is business,” and lets him in.
Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn’t say anything.
Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 bill.
The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub.
The bartender says, “Here is your dang change.”
The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out ten dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, “Gimme another beer!”

The Writer

Once upon a time there was a young man who wanted to become a great writer. “I want to write things the whole world will read,” he declared.
“Stuff that will elicit strong emotions from people in every walk of life. I want my writing to make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger.”
He now lives happily ever after in Redmond, Wash., writing error messages for Microsoft.

Stealing Dresses

Judge: “You admit breaking into the dress shop four times?”
Defendant: “Yes, your honour.”
Judge: “What did you steal?”
Defendant: “A dress, Your Honour.”
Judge: “One dress? And yet you admit breaking in four times!”
Defendant: “Well, your Honour, you see the first three times my wife didn’t like the colour.”

Copyrights 2009 OnTheFun